How do you feel about the prospect of nursing your elderly parent until the end?

After all they looked after you when you were young, can you repay the favour?


Or do you think we only have one shot at life? And we need to make the most of what is best for us?How do you feel about the prospect of nursing your elderly parent until the end?
I did it with my mother. She had cancer, had a mastectomy, but then got secondaries. I took her 5 times a week to have radiotherapy, later I took her for chemotherapy. We used to sit in a corridor, looking at other people with cancer. I got the green boxes for quite a few people, because they had nobody with them to do it for them. I worked full time (I'm male with four children if thatny difference at all) but then took a second job to pay for my mother to go to a sort of alternative place in Bristol. That didn't work. Anyway, to cut an agonising story short, she died at 64 in a hospice, I was with her, holding her hand, heard her take her last breath. But it seemed that the funeral was no sooner over than I started to look after my gran (mother's mother) and her elderly sister, who shared a house. The elderly sister, my great aunt, died 6 years later of bronchitis and old age, and a year later my gran died, aged 95.


HOWEVER - my mum had an absolutely rotten life with my father, and the least I could do was care for her in every way when she was ill. As for my gran - I am one of identical twins and when we were babies my mum looked after my brother and my gran looked after me. So ... as age comes and goes, I took great care of her.


I don't think that society really understands the problems that old people face. With my gran and great aunt I was able to relieve all their burdens, of whatever kind. Too much detail to go into now.


But to simply answer your question - YES. Look after them. The older you get, the more you realise what they did for you.How do you feel about the prospect of nursing your elderly parent until the end?
believe me its not as easy as you make it sound, by the time you find yourself in this situation its not always financially possible and with your own family comitments can be a nightmare.ive worked with people who have dementia for over 20 years and have seen what it does to families, most people cope with early dementia but as time goes on it becomes more and more difficult .
My father is married to a younger woman and has two younger daughters who would be in a better position to look after him if it came to that, but I do worry about my mother and expect that she will end up living with my family sooner or later. It's not out of gratitude - she was a great mum when I was little, but basically kicked me out at 17 because she had better things to do - but out of love and respect.





Can't say I'm entirely looking forward to the prospect as she is a very independent person and would have to be in a poor state to want to give that up and come live with us.
Tough question that many of us will be faced with sooner...than later! Lots of factors to consider. How much room you have in your home to add another person to it/ is it set up for disabled, etc? Do they just need to not be living alone or are they ill and need physical care that you can/cannot give? Too many individual circumstances in this question to give a general answer...but yes, I would want to see them cared for at home as long as possible.





Kudos to Jenkin 19!
I already look after my elderly mother. Don't regret it for a second. I could never put her in a home unless there comes a time when i couldn't look after her myself.And I was forced to. She can't help growing old.
For some people it's not the case of having one shot at life and making the most of it. It's all down to finances and keeping a home going. A lot of families need to be bringing in two wages to be able to keep a home going. If one has to stay at home to look after an elderly parent they could end up loosing that home as they can't keep up with the bills etc. I'm sure lots of people who have elderly parents in nursing homes wish that they could care for them but financially they can't.
I did it . And i loved it. You think you know them. But you really don't until you get to really spend that time with them. You will laugh a lot. They are funny and say things you would never have believe they would. And you will find out they are so wise. And are walking history books. I lost my mom July 2006. But it was pleasure being with her.
My 88 yr old mother is now in a nursing home and loves it. She's in a private room, has her livng room chair and her tv. They treat her very well and we're very thankful for that. She wouldn't dream of letting any of her children look after her in their homes. When she was growing up she saw too many families ruined because they had a parent living with them. She always made a point of telling us that no matter what happens not to have her or my Dad live with us.





If I were to have her live with me I would have to quit my job and be with her full time which would be a financial strain. She is always cold and my electric heating bills would go through the roof. I would have to get rid of some of my beloved pets. She requires a lot of quiet time so life would be very difficult to say the least. Mom also requires a lot of medical attention and as we live in the country and I don't drive it would very difficult transporting her for appointments and as she is wheelchair bound it would be quite impossible.





She's not the easiest person to get along with so we would probably be butting heads regulary. I did consider taking her in when she first became ill but my brother talked me out of it.





Hope this doesn't sound like it's all about ';me'; but these are my thoughts.
Having nursed people at home before, it should not be gone into without a lot of thought. It's a 24/7/365 option, no time off for good behavour. Those who say they nursed us forget that we grew up. Sadly, elderly parents only tend to get more like children and need constant care.
I looked after both of my grandparents until the end so i will know what to expect if the time comes that i need to do the same for my parents.( i was brought up by my grandparents)
Well they were young at the time. I know that my mother would not like me to put my life on hold, until she died. She put my dad in a home. If I were to take care of my mother myself, my husband of 2 years would suffer, our marriage would suffer. She needs 24 hour care, because she can't differentiate between night and day. I know that is not what my mother would have wanted. She has always been totally selfless. Because of what she went through with my dad. she knows the exact situation, or would if she didn't have Alzheimer's. Sometimes I go to see her, but never get there. It breaks my heart too much. Most times I go, her carers have to take me away as I get too upset. The guilt is unbelievable, even though you know it is the best thing for her. My family is broken because of this. She doesn't know who I am FFS. I know, my Mam wouldn't have it any other way, because it is for the best all round. Not for one minute does it make it any easier.
been there, done that, with my mum and then dad........... they both died a few years ago, and I still miss them
I could never leave my parent in a home with strangers...I would look after her myself and be fine about it....too many people are selfish about this sort of thing.
I nursed both of my parents until the end. They both had cancer. I felt it wasn't only my duty. But also my honor as well. They took great care of me while I was growing up. Made a lot of sacrifices for my benefit too. I owed it to them to help out when they needed me the most. If I had to do it all over again. I would in a heart beat.
That would all depend on what treatment/care that they would need. It would also depend on your own state of health surely. We all want what is best for our children, so I would assume we would also do the same for our parents.





Daisyhil... .......... I think that is a bit presumptuous of you. You do not really know what you would do and hopefully never will.





Edit.........


To reiterate.


My mother needed full time nursing care and had to live in a Nursing home. She was there for three years before she died. My Father in-law did need some care and was cared for at home. He also died 2 years ago. There were huge comparisons in both parents needs. I don't think people should judge those who opt for Nursing Home care.
It would be a privilege %26amp; honour...


And i do think given that we have just one shot at life, it would be best for them as well as for us.





And its not a question of repaying the favour, its about wanting to do it, out of love %26amp; respect.
At the moment I am doing a course in care of the elderly, so I would highly recommend it to you. Good luck cos its not easy but extremely rewarding.
you only have one shot in life nursing homes do the care the best 24hr care you visit and care but best to have a life i think you might even regret not doing what you wanted to do
I have two brothers and when my dad was terminally ill we had a kind of timetable so one of us could be there most of the time. Their wives helped out too so we managed between us. My mum was still alive (and still is I have to say) and is in the picture of health. We're all busy people with jobs and families and other responsibilities but we're very close.





I was blessed with my parents - they were/are the best people in the world. I'm sure if I had different parents my life would've turned out differently. They really did mould me in a positive and loving way, with firm but fair discipline and lots of cuddles and words of encouragement. I'm really lucky. One of my brothers had terrible athsma when he was little and my mum and dad stayed up all night on many occassions to nurse him. When I was 18 I was in hospital with a kidney infection and although I was living away from home, my mum insisted I went back to her house to recouperate so she could look after me. When I've had my babies she's been round at my house for the first couple of weeks to help out and when my first husband was arrested for paedophilia she practically moved in, even though my dad wasn't well and she had a full time job.





So of course I would be willing to nurse her should I need to and yes right to the bitter end. She deserves such attention and I wouldn't be any kind of daughter to her if I didn't.
I would do it if I had to. My parents have been generous and supportive to me all my life, of course I would repay the favour.